Beyond Redemption

Clueless (Part 1)

People tell me that either fate governs you or you govern fate. Recently I have been doing some thinking about the word’ fate’. There exists no fate or luck. We are all governed by one thing only which we all fail to see. There is a saying which has been repeated to me so many times but has made sense to me after all these years- Time and tide waits for no man. We are all at the end of day slaves of time. Can we actually see time? We have the sense of it. We can only feel it passing by.

I was born in the age where I could feel time rushing through my hands. I remember that my first computer came in the year 1998. It was a big thing for us. All our neighbors came to see it. It was a small celebration for us. We didn’t know much about the cyber age dawning upon our generation. Today when I started my first job, I realized that I would not have a job with me if all the computers seize to exist. The next thing which I remember that caught up very fast were mobile phones. I see people become paranoid when they loose their mobile. The generation after me has nothing to be bewildered upon. My younger friend Nisha who is just seven years old hates circus. She would prefer being home and playing with her 3G mobile. I am not contemplating about the rules of technology. I am just mulling over the point in which it will all stop. Do we I as an individual have a choice to say ‘no’ to a technology. Being a part of this end was inevitable.

If I have no choice over choice itself then it is definitly determined something which is superior to fate itself. Time decides what has to be done with each of us. Everyone has a part of bigger fraction of time. So why cry over fate and luck. We are not even sure if fate exists. However, we are sure that time is present.

With some much time in my hands I still tend to be confused over things. I sure know that the end has been decided by me. It is the same thing that Lord Krishna had said to Ram- the finish has already been decided for everyone. It is only the process by which we achieve that which has been predefined by time.

Winds of Change

We alter everything around us as per the changing world around us. The only thing that we cannot change around us is change itself. My friend and I are standing in the periphery of changing times. Both of us can see the unspoken change of culture and society. Maybe everything around is the same, only our perspective has changed. However one thing that we could not ignore was the dry month of July. Iknew that my standpoint had not changed.

I distinctly remember the year 2004, when we set out to do a project given to us by our college. We went to buy the required materials for our project from our local market. When we came out of the shop, it was pouring. We had to go back to my house by my friend’s bike and the materials we bought were not supposed to get wet. I tucked the packet below my shirt and headed towards the bike. My house was fifteen minutes away from the market My friend rode her bike like a Harley, speeding her way through the misty road. She cut through the potholes perfectly and we reached home within few minutes.

We got down of the bike and saw two kids envying our joy through the balcony. Even the costly G.I Joe in his hand could not match the delight of getting wet in the rain. Now when we walk on the same road, we can feel the earth still quenching for more water. The place where we lived was filled with trees, with every hues and tints of green. Today when we take our bike out, we see big boards of the topmost builders of the city and big yellow bulldozers squashing its way ahead. When we both look at these upcoming towers, I see that along us there are few more people standing and looking at them. We all are wondering what will happen to us. We all know that our protests will be futile in front of these bulldozers. Underneath the power cuts and shortage of water, there is a silent fear inside us.

This is the year 2007 and I hear a long speech about global warming from the eminent people of our country. My friend and her mother looked outside the balcony at the unfinished buildings and then looked up at the deepsky. It is still cloudy with no rain in this July afternoon.

.

Train Diaries

My Angel

The world is sheltered with superstitions, which is loathed yet followed for one simple reason - it gives hope to millions of people. I happened to encounter my superstition. Fate is not in our hands but is in our mind and is not written in the stars but is inscribed in us.

I was just out of my school and I headed college with the most wrong notions of the world. Soon reality laughed back at me, and I stooped down to the norms of routine. My small dream of going to Paris soon disappeared. Paris wasn’t enough for me. I wanted power and prestige. I keep forgetting that billions of people in this country and billions of people in other countries dream the same thing. Oh Boy! I am no different from them. I still dream of money and power. Amidst all the competitions ‘God’ is a major part of my life. I abuse him, laugh at him and question him. I choose to see his existence according to my will and comfort. Here is another debate, which we have failed to get any answer- the existence of God. I guess heaven and hell is the product of this debate.

Getting back to my story, I first met my angel in the Mumbai local train. Yes! The famous Mumbai local trains. Stories about Mumbai locals are much vast than the Arabian Nights. I sat quietly on my seat tormenting God about my HSC results. I was tensed to get it and I would do anything to get good scores. I saw her coming towards me clapping hands with her own aura. “What a stroke of luck!”, I thought. I thought of giving her some money and in return I would get some blessings. Before she came to me, the train stopped and she got down, and I as usual tormented God again. The irony here is that I actually respected that eunuch for my superstitious motive. My scores were much more than what I expected. The second time I met her was before an interview when I was anxious for getting into a reputed educational institution. She came to me and asked, “Aye chokdi paisa deti hai???” Instead I just smiled at her back. Her angel eyes soothed me.

Few days ago I finished giving an interview for internship. I soon saw my angel coming with her same aura. She came and put her palms below my eyes. I wanted to look at her and ask her name. I wanted to tell her that she was an angel. I couldn’t do any of these things. This time I was successful in giving her money.

Superstition is said to be like a disease. All these incidents might be just coincidence. But I don’t believe that this is a superstition. This restless soul created her as an angel and gave me a something which we all have started loosing. She gave me hope.

dedicated to sneha,aileen bhavna,mihir,chirag,sandeep,tushar,anand ,akshay,bhavik swapnil
{no groupism. swear!only to the craziset people.only a fiction people.}


A murder .Dream and Gun



i just completed my last line for my newspaper report.unfortunatly i was not getting any meaty stories past few weeks. my friend forced me to come in an reunion party.she was page 3 journalist. i was reluctant to go. what the heck !i would free food and even karan was out of town for his rock show.i went ahead with my friend.
sunita picked me around seven.althea was also with her.we chated and looked forward for the gossips in the party.sunita had worn a beautiful haltered pink top,althea had worn a cool back top with a red skirt.i loved her clothes.althea had best tastes for clothes.i as usual wore my regular kurti with my jeans.
we reached the party.sunita hugged her boyfriend sagar.althea chatted with some of her high socierty friends.i could hear sunita shouting at her boyfriend for smoking again.i started a conversation with my buddy mehul.i went over the bar to take a mocktail.i was not against drinking but i never wanted to booze.a fear a person feels.it is a fear like the kid feels to blutter out something.chinmay came and started crackng pjs as he always did.he cracked up everyone.i sat lazily with amar,ajay and tejas and talked about our jobs.
then a galnce made me freeze."is it she or ....." before i could answer myself a voice boomed
"hi paromita how are you darling." it was my one time best-friend Bindi!i lost touch of her for about 7 yeas.i was shocked to see a champane in her hand.ajay said"champane,with all those stupid lectures." seriously she used to give a life long lecture of morality.i should have given her a thump on her that time and she bored ajay the most.ajay and bindis arguments were never ending.a person opposite to them would feel either ther are spouses or they came from nashik mental home.well people do change mehul who was shy with girls has become a casanova now and amar who had good boy looks became a dude.well some dont change ajay is still the same -happy go lucky.
"bindi what are u doing?", i asked. "well nothing i took a job at lowe darling.harsh meet my best friend .he is my boyfriend darlling."she said smiling."what !" i gasped.i was not unable to hide my surprse.she had a dum boyfriend.what is wrong.did i end up in the world opposite of me.Bhargav and Sanjay came to me to greet.they asked me who that hot chick was.all i did was glare at them.sanjay was karans best bud and gem of a person.bhargav was a person everyone loved.i lately fought with him a lot.we fight and make up every two days. Sunita came and started laughing looking at bindi.we had to shut her her laughter. sounded to me like eagle hawking.sagar beside her looked like a small kid beside his mum.chinmay and mehul continously laughed.i felt they are like beaver and buthead.althea told me the latest gossip that rahul balan made an international ad for revlon and sanjana is fighting on latest sunil more rape case as a feminist social group.chandu has started his dance academy and now is going around with esha kopikar. tejas was showing his nana patekar short movie 3d animation to amar.he gave the voice over of nana patekar himself. amar had been nominated for cnnes short film animation.i congratulated him.

so i spoke to bindi that whole evening.she said how she went abroad finished her post graduation camer back and found harsh.she was happy to know that me and karan were still together.my memory of that goody girl dissapeared at a glance but also true she was that same warm harted person.i was still not uncomfortable to share with her things like i used to do in college days. everyone started to dance i. joined in.we danced and dance.i found harsh a gentleman.atleast the girl found a guy she wanted.suddenly a man comes and shoots bindi.i give a blood thirsty scream.
it was dark and i was drenched .oh my god !i dozed off.i see my report in the computer screen-'jessica lal case reopened'. i saw around.it was six thirty.i had not changed yet.i rushed home.sunita came. i reached the party.i still had a haunting feeling.i spoke tom y friends but my eyes were still dancing around the whole room.and i suddenly"paromita darling!".it was a girl i knew 7 years back standing with a champegne in her hand.i faintedi could hear bindi screaming somehow i saw the silvasa trip we went first year.she was doing an act.amar,sagar and ajay rolling with laughter.bhargav and sanjay on the bed making stupid faces.chinmay singing 'tears in heaven'.althea and sunita grooming me.mehul andtejas fighting over some girl .i could see a green light flashing.i was in the hospital.i saw all my friends around including Bindi.she said"thank god you are safe." yes i answered "thank god you are safe".